Treasures of the Neath (Guide)

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What needs work: An approximate action cost (or Echo value) for getting these things would be nice touch to inform the curious. Also please feel free to add any qualities/items that you feel are fitting, but are missing from here (format is acquisition then value and uses description).
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COME ONE COME ALL! With the TREASURES of the NEATH GUIDE to the BAZAAR'S FIFTH CITY, all shall GLIMPSE the EXCEPTIONAL and EXCLUSIVE CONDITIONS AND ITEMS known ONLY to the MOST OUTSTANDING of INDIVIDUALS! MARVEL at the UNFEASIBLE BENEFITS of these SINGULAR QUALITIES! BE AWED by the EYE-WATERING PRICES and IMPLAUSIBLE PRECONDITIONS of GREAT ITEMS!

Here lies a list of Qualities and Items, with pointers and links about their acquisition, that are generally:

  • very expensive and/or time-consuming to acquire/raise,
  • have zero or few actual uses, and
  • are achieved/collected almost purely for the sake of vanity/perfectionism/realizing personal dedication.

This Guide is mainly a collection of these things and their procurement, made to serve people with such ambitions, and to provide (lightly humorous) relative perspective of their value for the curious. They mainly stand as goals to dedicated endgame Players. Read with caution and in stable sitting position in case of fainting!

This guide only includes qualities/items that are currently obtainable. Any vanities that require FATE expediture should be marked accordingly.

Items[edit]

Physical items. Mostly. Things that show up under the "Possessions" Tab.

The T8 Collection[edit]

"All the Jewels in your crown"

Collect all 10 of the most valuable items (known as T8 items) in each category, that are worth ~1562.50 E apiece. Simple as that! As a fun fact, one of them is only available for roughly 2 weeks each year. (Side-note: You don't want to get that many Certifiable Scrap)

These items are pure value, they are not equip-able. Their uses are rare (or non-existent) but who knows when an opportunity could come up? And most of them can be easily sold to the Bazaar anytime should you need quick cash.

Item Source(s)
Vial of Masters' Blood
Reported Location of a One-Time Prince of Hell
Impossible Theorem
  • Create one in your own lab! Takes more than 3 full days of action with a maxed Lab and students (recommended)
  • Hunt it for great expense at the University (not-recommended, the same amount of resources, if used in the Lab, would produce almost 2 whole Theorems)
Veils-Velvet Scrap
Rumourmonger's Network
A Sealed Copy of the Crimson Book Only during Whitsun, exchange a Vial of Masters' Blood for it
Breath of the Void
Secret College Exchange a Powder of Renewal for it, after reaching Station VIII
Fluke-Core
A Tasting Flight of Targeted Toxins Create it from a vast collection of toxic ingredients

Items of T8 value[edit]

"You are on this list, but we do not grant you the rank of a T8."

These items are in the same value-range as the "true" T8s above (mostly because they cost a T8 to acquire), but they don't represent the pinnacle in a specific item category's tier list and/or act more like additional items of high value.

Item Source(s)
Powder of Renewal Make it in Station VIII from Unthinkable Hope
Unthinkable Hope Exchange 22 x Blackmail Material, 5 x Diary of the Dead, 1 x Dreadful Surmise, 10 x Tin of Zzoup and 10 x Tinned Ham (total value of 1,560 E ) for it as a Station VIII courier. Used to create the Powder of Renewal above.
Warning: You can only have a maximum of 1 of this item at any given time. Receiving other sentiments while in possession of one is locked. As such, holding onto this item is detrimental as it locks the creation of other Station 8 items.
A Reverie of Heroism While reliving the events of Mr Chimes' Grand Clearing-Out in The Waswood using The Sacroboscan Calendar (possible every few months due to rotation, currently not available), sacrifice one of 8 specific T8 items when Building a Parabolan Device
Spend 5 x Parabolan Parable or 3 x Parabolan Parable and 10 x Oneiromantic Revelation, along with a trifle representing the faction, to craft these.
Cloven Seal Give 1 x Vial of Masters' Blood to the Unsanctioned Relicker.
Immaterial Material Discordant Studies
Discordance Stone Discordant Studies
scream that's not stuck in your throat like a stone Discordant Studies

Firkin of Hesperidean Cider[edit]

"Immortality is (not) cheap" (E 160 000)

In Fallen London, you can just buy immortality in one of the shops! Might be a little expensive though.

Even with the best of the current money-making methods, it takes ~6-7 months of real time grinding, if you use all 144 of your actions each day to make the needed Echoes. If that seems like a lot just remember that a few years ago it would've taken more that 1,5 years. Consult this page: Money-Making.

However it does completely wipe Wounds on demand (although drinking it directly gives annoying dreams), gives an instant way out from being dead, and a taste can even be offered to friends!

A Miniature Hellworm with vital accessories[edit]

"Ain't it cute?"

The Hellworm can be bought for 200 000 at Upper River. But that is only the beginning... It can be upgraded for the same price! After that, accessories may be bought (for the same price) with questionable usefulness.

Similarly to the Cider, even with the current best grinds, getting 200 000 takes ~4-5 months of real time grinding, provided you use all 144 of your actions each day. Not to mention getting Scrip is generally more convoluted. Consult this page: Hinterland Scrip-Making

On the positive side, it can be milked ("worm gacha") after sufficient play-time on its card (8 actions without upgrade), which produces a random liquid from the game chosen from 31. These liquids can stretch from a single bottle of Bottle of Greyfields 1879 to Vial of Cantigaster Venom (which was previously FATE-locked) and Vial of Masters' Blood, one of the T8 items. The upgrade offers a chance to reduce the time between milkings. The accessories do not.

Heptagoat (FATE)[edit]

Companion "SEVEN INTO SEVEN INTO SEVEN"

Combine 14 Overgoats into 7 Übergoats, then those into this pinnacle of goats! (Goats bought separately!)

It removes all the amazing Watchful stats the previous Goat-steps provide, but it does grant +3 Caprine Authority:, which is pretty cool, right? Right?! You can also build a statue for it at the Hurlers, and it has an option on a Hurlyburly card.

Total costs:

The Inescapable Ubiquity of your Countenance[edit]

Affiliation "Pardon me, haven't we already met?"

Have a statue of yourself at each and every station of the Great Hellbound Railway. All of them. And pay an extra of 7000 x Soul, 700 x Hinterland Scrip, 70 x Memory of a Much Lesser Self and 7 x Direful Reflection. See Statues at the GHR Stations (Guide) for more details.

Important note: any statues to entities other than yourself can be only reset at the cost of 10 Fate! Balmoral is the only exception.

It's Worst-in-Slot Shadowy and Shared Best in Slot Respectable! Woo-ho! You're everywhere! It's hard to be sneaky like that!

Station Self-statue requirement
Ealing Gardens A Poet-Laureate 21
Jericho Locks A Scholar of the Correspondence 21
The Magistracy of the Evenlode Defender of the Public Safety 21
Balmoral Cover Identity: Elaboration 5, Cover Identity: Backstory 5, Cover Identity: Ties exactly 2, Cover Identity: Credentials, Cover Identity: Nuance, Cover Identity: Witnesses
Station VIII
Burrow-Infra-Mump
Moulin
The Hurlers
Marigold Station Twilit Smuggler 21

Blemmigan Secretary[edit]

Companion "A prized artifact of the RNGods"

Has "Guide": Bundle of Oddities (Guide)

Hit the exact value of 1000 (chance of 1/1000) from Opening a Bundle of Oddities. Has no use, naturally. Only 2 actions give high enough Bundle values to even have a chance. These are:

The Seven-Fold Knock[edit]

Weapon "Giving up on giving up everything"

Has Guide: Seeking Mr Eaten's Name (Guide)

Walk the entire self-destructive path of SMEN, famous for its painful and arduous ways, and choose to turn back at the very end. Hope you like candles!

As a consolation, this is the Best-in-slot slot item for BDR. Is it worth it scarring yourself forever just for that? You decide!

F.F. Gebrandt's Patent Neathoscope, Containing and Displaying All Seven Colours of Exotic Light[edit]

Home Comfort "Taste the neathbow!"

You will need one Mirrorcatch Box of each of the seven colours of the neathbow (so you don't need a Sun-Stamped one). Every color has a different way of obtaining it and you will also need to obtain 7 empty ones for you to fill.

After obtaining all of the boxes you only need to go to the The Museum of Prelapsarian History, commission it with 10000 Curator's Gratitude in The Inorganic Sciences Wing and you'll have your very own Neathoscope to show at parties. (Party uses not included. In fact, it has no uses beyond its stats.)

Mirrorcatch Box Overview
Color Place Storylet
Empty Fiddler's Scarlet Acquire a rarity
The Waswood Reach towards the shore ( Airs 0-49, rare success)
Upper River Give a speech in Ealing Gardens/ Jericho Locks (rare success)
Any Mirrorcatch Box in your Inventory[1] Empty a Mirrorcatch Box
Peligin The Magistracy of the Evenlode The Light-In-Exile
Oneiric Pearl Barter with a Listless Pearl-Diver
Violant Khan's Heart Walk into the Office of Naval Affairs
(gives Corresponding Sounder)
Apocyan The Pillared Sea Drowning
Viric Viric Jungle Attend to the Dreamer
Cosmo­gone The Dome of Scales The Top of the Dome
Irrigo Cave of the Nadir A pause for refreshment
Rat Market ( Rat-Moon: Blue or Soft[2]) The Maundering Rat's Stall
Gant Khan's Heart All Gant
Rat Market ( Rat-Moon: Hard or Runny[2]) The Smaller Stalls
Sun-Stamped Cut with Moonlight FATE The Alleys of London: the Criminals
Park and Palace: Society
Neathoscope The Museum of Prelapsarian History The Inorganic Sciences Wing
  1. ↑ Using the boxes where they are required will usually also return an empty box to you.
  2. ↑ 2.0 2.1 (currently Soft)

(You don't need a Sun-Stamped box for this item!)

A Portrait in the Bazaarine Style[edit]

Home Comfort "A grander and more opulent version of yourself"

Has Guide: The Temple Club (Guide)

You'll need to use one of your 3 temple club invitations that you can get via an access code for free to get into The Temple Club. You will also need the following items. Bring them, because you wont be able to get them once you're there, and will need to use another invitation to reenter.

Then Commission a portrait on the storylet Influence the Spirit of the Age.

Horatio, Finest of His Lineage (FATE)[edit]

Companion "Meow""

This one is only available to Exceptional Friends: spend 15 x Memory of a Tale to buy all five cats in Mr Chimes' Lost & Found, equip all of them, and meet this sought-after tabby in the House of Chimes.

Neither Horatio nor his five feline companions are useful statistically or mechanically, except for their ability to be used for a certain other feline vanity...

Classic Short Story[edit]

'Genius.' Well, of course. About time.

Has Guide: Short Stories (Guide)

A Short Story of this caliber takes at least 2 x Trade Secret to write, and seven to guarantee (though the math works out that it's best to chance it with two). Considering Trade Secrets are given out at a rate of once per month, and are actually useful, this is quite an undertaking. They're also useless, aside from a use while Seeking (that removes the item) and selling it for far less than it is worth.

Cryptobotanical Rosette[edit]

The sacrifices we make to horticulture.

Has Guide: Tournament of Lilies (Guide)

While not quite as action intensive as most others on this page, it will take a significant toll on your sanity. It involves arranging plant battles with other players, and emerging victorious from the tournament. The battles consist of weighted luck checks based on the level of your plant; winning will progress you to the next tier of battles, while losing will take you back a level and eat some CP besides. It has no uses, but you do get an item that does when you win.

Qualities[edit]

Metaphysical items. Mostly. Things that show up under the "Myself" Tab. Some of these are commonly referred to as Vanity Qualities.

The Main Four[edit]

Each of the four Main Attributes has a special Quality associated with them. All of them have the same maximum value, 21, and only this maximum level counts as the full completion. Except for Twilit Smuggler, they require stats around 300 (with equipment) to reach the highest levels.

Attribute Name ~ E Cost ~Action cost
Watchful A Scholar of the Correspondence 1900 N/A
Shadowy Twilit Smuggler 3613.6 25
Dangerous Defender of the Public Safety N/A N/A
Persuasive A Poet-Laureate 0 2480

A Scholar of the Correspondence[edit]

"Where did my eyebrows go?"

Ah

Likely the most useful of the Vanity Qualities, having a good range of uses (see the above guide for all uses). Tends to crop up in new content too! Reaching level 21 gives the quality description "Courier's Footprint" (very fancy!). Enables a statue of yourself at Jericho Locks.

Journey includes:

Twilit Smuggler[edit]

"That dumbwaiter is HOW long?"

Has Guide: Twilit Smuggler (Guide)

Has only a single use, which is for building a statue of yourself at Marigold Station.

Journey includes:

Defender of the Public Safety[edit]

"Liberator of Stoves!!"

Has Guide: Defender of Public Safety (Guide)

Apart from allowing yourself another statue at The Magistracy of the Evenlode, this also enables the freeing of a Stove!

Journey includes:

A Poet-Laureate[edit]

"All this honey is purely for my artistic inspirations"

Has Guide: Poet-Laureate (Guide)

Another statue for you, this time at Ealing Gardens. That's all. (No, that one Ambition: Nemesis option doesn't count!)

Journey includes:

  • Getting purposefully banished, then restored to the Court of Her Enduring Majesty
  • Getting high on Honey to get inspired. Honey can be gotten from your Lab (400 actions slower, but free) or from the Bazaar (faster, but halves the EPA)
  • Writing many, many Minor Works
  • Having 290 Persuasive

Paramount Presence[edit]

"Join me for a ride, peasant!"

Has Guide: Paramount Presence (Guide)

Embark on a journey to collect London's Innards! Well, not literally. Should being a normal Person of Some Importance not cut it for you, step beyond! Cycle through all the 4 specializations, proving your fame and influence in London! Drive, dreams, money, and desires shall be tested!

With such status you can:

Requirements apart from grinding 12 Notability 7 times to go between specializations (one is needed to claim and one is needed to go between specializationsin each case):

Innard Options
London's Sinew
London's Blood
  • All three 5-card Lodgings
  • Married (NPC or Player)
  • High values of all Dream qualities (around 15 in each)
London's Marrow
London's Nerves

Of course, the true vanity would be achieving all 12 despite needing only 4.

A Weaseller[edit]

"That one with all the weasels."

This quality is obtained by getting 400 Lucky Weasels and drawing an opportunity card. This is quite easily obtainable, costing only one action and 160 echoes, and you don't even lose the weasels. However, this quality can be increased to level 2.

To do this, you must unlock The Dome of Scales and spend 400 actions gifting your weasels to fingerkings as homes. After getting 400 Weasels of Social Discomfiture you will have to wait for another opportunity card, which will raise you to A Weaseller 2

A Woeseller[edit]

"This was a mistake. A terrible, terrible mistake."

Purchase 400 Weasel of Woe, and draw the card You Appear to have Purchased an Extraordinary Number of Weasels of Woe. As each Woesel is 400 echoes, achieving the title of Woeseller costs E 160,000: precisely the same as Hesperidean Cider. For rather obvious reasons, we recommend purchasing immortality before purchasing four hundred cursed mustelids whose mere presence causes you harm.

This remarkable achievement has no uses, but receiving it does immediately drive you insane, which could be considered a consolation prize.

Noman Tattoo[edit]

"We'll laugh about this in a year..."

Has Guide: Noman Tattoo (Guide)

Keep your Noman (from Christmas) alive until The Lady in Lilac arrives during the Feast of the Exceptional Rose to get a private tattoo of your noman. Likely requires a few months of preparation to stock up on Vial of Tears of the Bazaar and materials to buy Unusual Pail of So-Called Snow from the Urchins when the Season comes.

Its uses are purely sentimental - that is to say, there aren't any.

The cooler Noman Tattoo[edit]

"The little ramekin is empty. Your mouth is cold with grief. The last of the snow is finally gone."

Has Guide: Noman Tattoo (Guide)

Keep your Noman (from Christmas) alive until De Gustibus arrives during Whitsun to serve it, and feast on its memories. Requires 36000+ Echoes worth of Tears and Pails, for approximately 2300 Noman's Friend.

Its uses are also purely sentimental.

The Union of Lions (FATE)[edit]

"I said, meow"

Has Guide: A Cub's Education (Guide)

Collect 15 unique cats and introduce them to a curious little cub in the The Dome of Scales, Becoming, only available after a Parabolan War victory by the Cats. Currently requires at least some FATE-locked cats.

It is, of course, completely useless. You can keep introducing cats even after you get it, though. Meow.

A Mystery of the Fifth City[edit]

"Cities are odd beasts, don't you find?"

Study the Prelapsarian history of the Red Science 5 times, with slightly different extra requirements each time.

There are, of course, no actual uses.

Requires:

They each earn a T7 item, as well as a heap of lore. Assuming for simplicity's sake you can earn 27 Research per action, the whole undertaking takes about 500 actions and earns about 3.1 EPA from the items you get along the way. But if you are reading this guide, you probably don't care about the money, do you, [gendertitle]?

A Purveyor of Cruel and Unusual Cheeses[edit]

"It's been a year. An entire year."

If one wishes to make Hellworm Cheese, one must start with Hellworm Milk. This, of course, means that obtaining and milking a Hellworm is a prerequisite vanity. Now, to actually turn the milk into cheese, one must submit it to the Questionable Cheesemonger during Whitsun, and then pick it up next Whitsun. In other words, even with the best possible grinds, getting Hellworm Cheese takes at least 12 months of real time waiting, even if you use all 144 of your actions each day..

As consolation, submitting your first piece of cheese to De Gustibus rewards you with 312.5E worth of assorted items, and it can be sold to the Bazaar for 62.5E afterwards.

Triple 7s[edit]

"Jackpot!"

These are true vanities, really only giving personal satisfaction. Certain accumulating qualities have level descriptions (known as QLDs), changing based on the level of that quality. As a recurring theme in the game, qualities like that reach their final description at level 777. (As 7 Is the number, after all.) The difficulty of raising these range from 1 action/level to every point being card based or costing 70-75 E . Some are still unknown, and new ones tend to appear. Being the first to reach such a level, and getting to personally record the QLD on the wiki, has some prestige in and of itself, however.

  • A Historian of the Neath: Your historical theories are foundational, ubiquitous, inescapable, ironclad
  • A Hunter of Zee-Beasts: Who rules the waters? At last there is an answer. The horrors of the zee cower from your hull's creeping shadow
  • A Prolific Pirate: You are a Pirate-King of legend. Your name will go down in history among the zee's chiefest terrors
  • A Synthetic Philosopher (FATE): An unparalleled practitioner of potable philosophy
  • Crate Conveyor: Dirigible pilots unconsciously divert their flight paths around wherever you happen to be standing
  • Dedicated Brawler: Your crate acquisitions at the Blind Helmsman would supply cities and bankrupt moderate-sized corporations
  • Dream-Trophies of Parabola: Your Parabolan hunts are legend. The courtiers of the Red-Handed Queen have been known to lurk and watch the sport
  • Fabricator of Past Lives: No biographical encyclopedia ever written suffices to catalog all the alternate identities you've foisted on the world
  • Familiarity with the Carpenter's Granddaughter: The Carpenter's Granddaughter has given more lectures than there are false-stars in the sky, and you have attended every one
  • Meals Served at Station VIII: A handful of visitors have come all the way from the Surface to dine at your table
  • Oneiropomp: You have become one of the Powers of Parabola
  • Painter of Fine Art: You have painted so many paintings that you are singly blamed for the Great Canvas Shortage of 1899
  • Palaeontologist: Your skeletal reconstructions grace every spare corner in London
  • Prolific Advertiser: Yours are the hands at the tiller of public consciousness, and the city follows your direction
  • Record of Successful Forgery: Thanks to your relentless perpetration of forgeries and deceptions, genuine evidence is difficult to find in London, and entire encyclopaedia articles are based upon the fruits of your imagination
  • Scintillack Dreaming: In the fading scintillack shimmer, the game is the same; only the pieces have changed. You are a Grandmaster, playing a long game towards dissolution
  • Teaching Reputation of Your Laboratory: Your former students could populate their own corner of London
  • The Prestige of your Laboratory: Your laboratory's reputation is known even in the High Wilderness

With the Shifting Streets event, a new vanity quality was released. Its top level is 77 instead of 777 due to the small time frame in which it can be obtained, however it is intended for 777 collectors:

  • Neighbourhood Noctivagant: Your very soles are attuned to Treachery. Should the lights go out and all laws flee, you will get where you are going

An external player-written guide to grinding these qualities is available here.

Faction Renown 55[edit]

"Known to All"

Has Guide: Factions (Guide)

Faction Renown ceases to be of much use after 40 (at which point they provide a unique item). However the maximum Renown is 55 in each case. Why? To please the completionists, perhaps. And at 50, each has its unique final QLD!

The trick here is that Raising Renown requires higher and higher base stats. The levels above 50 (when the stat requirements goes above 300) will most likely require a Mood to be reachable and those are Rare. You won't have time to get the same Favours in an hour while it lasts. Not to mention that at this point you almost need two sets of Favours for a single level! You'll have plenty of time collecting Favours while you wait for Mood cards!

With the Corsair update, a new quality was released. Although not strictly Renown in the traditional sense, it caps at 55 as well, and as such warrants inclusion on this list given its similarity.

Newspaper[edit]

Has Guide: Publishing a Newspaper (Guide)

The newspaper has 3 vanity qualities related to it, which reach their final description at level 10. Except from an option regarding A Survivor of the Affair of the Box requiring Defender of Truth - 3, these qualities have no use and reaching level 10 in all 3 requires publishing 165 editions.

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