Editing Treasures of the Neath (Guide)

{{GuideNeedsWork|Reason = An <u>approximate</u> action cost (or Echo value) for getting these things would be nice touch to inform the curious. Also please feel free to add any qualities/items that you feel are fitting, but are missing from here (format is acquisition then value and uses description).}}
{{Audience|LatePoSI}}
[[File:Goldenapple.png|right]]
{{Spoiler}}

''COME ONE COME ALL! With '''the TREASURES of the NEATH GUIDE to the BAZAAR'S FIFTH CITY''', all shall GLIMPSE the EXCEPTIONAL and EXCLUSIVE CONDITIONS AND ITEMS known ONLY to the MOST OUTSTANDING of INDIVIDUALS! MARVEL at the UNFEASIBLE BENEFITS of these SINGULAR QUALITIES! BE AWED by the EYE-WATERING PRICES and IMPLAUSIBLE PRECONDITIONS of GREAT ITEMS!''

Here lies a list of [[:Category:Qualities|Qualities]] and [[:Category:Items|Items]], with pointers and links about their acquisition, that are generally:

* very expensive and/or time-consuming to acquire/raise,
* have zero or few actual uses, and
* are achieved/collected almost purely for the sake of vanity/perfectionism/realizing personal dedication.

This Guide is mainly a collection of these things and their procurement, made to serve people with such ambitions, and to provide (lightly humorous) relative perspective of their value for the curious. '''They mainly stand as goals to dedicated endgame Players.''' Read with caution and in stable sitting position in case of fainting!

This guide only includes qualities/items that are currently obtainable. Any vanities that require {{FontFate}} expediture should be marked accordingly.

==Items==
Physical items. Mostly. Things that show up under the "Possessions" Tab.

===The T8 Collection===
''"All the Jewels in your crown"''

Collect all 11 of the [[Items (Guide)/Most Valuable#T8 items (~1562.50 E)|most valuable items]] (known as T8 items) in each category, that are worth ~1562.50 {{e}} apiece. Simple as that! As a fun fact, one of them is only available for roughly 2 weeks each year. (Side-note: You don't want to get that many {{IL|Certifiable Scrap}})

These items are pure value, they are not equip-able. Their uses are rare (or non-existent) but who knows when [[Building a Device|an opportunity]] could come up? And most of them can be easily sold to the Bazaar anytime should you need quick cash.

<!--{{#lsth:Items (Guide)/Most Valuable|T8 items (~1562.50 E)}}-->
{| class="article-table"
!Item
!Source(s)
|-
|{{IL|Vial of Masters' Blood}}
|{{TableList|[[A dangerous deal]] for {{IL|Vial of Tears of the Bazaar|5 x}}
|[[Examine its contents 17|Milk it]] by chance from {{IL|Your Very Own Miniature Hellworm}}
|[[Back to Normal|Achieve a specific Ambition]]
|[[Sell the location of the Cave of the Nadir (Revolutionaries)|Sell the Nadir]] to Revolutionaries
|[[Request a trophy from a shared enemy|Buy it]] with {{IL|Hinterland Prosperity|155750}} at the {{IL|The City of the Tracklayers}} after finishing the Railway.}}
|-
|{{IL|Reported Location of a One-Time Prince of Hell}}
|{{TableList|[[Sell a very advanced identity to Devils|Buy it with an identity]], then [[A message in the language of Hell|decipher it]]
|[[Hand over a multitude of scraps for... something secret|Buy it]] for {{IL|Certifiable Scrap|3200 x}}
|[[The Reported Location of a One-Time Prince of Hell|Buy it]] at the Rat Market, for {{IL|Rat-Shilling|15625 x}}, but only when  the Rat-Wind and Rat-Moon are just right...
|[[Hear the Mandolinist's Song|During a story]] at the end of the Railway, {{IL|Marigold Station}}
|[[Sell the location of the Cave of the Nadir (The Great Game)|Sell the Nadir]] to The Great Game}}
|-
|{{IL|Impossible Theorem}}
|{{TableList|[[Reach a realisation. Drag the knowledge kicking and screaming out of Parabola|Create one]] in your own lab! Takes more than 3 full days of action with a maxed Lab and students (recommended)
|[[Locate an Impossible Theorem|Hunt it for great expense]] at the University (not-recommended, the same amount of resources, if used in the Lab, would produce almost 2 whole Theorems)}}
|-
|{{IL|Veils-Velvet Scrap}}
|{{TableList|[[Hand over a multitude of scraps for Veils-Velvet|Buy it]] for {{IL|Certifiable Scrap|3200 x}}
|[[Discordant Studies - Costs and Rewards (Guide)|Discordant Studies]]}}
|-
|{{IL|Rumourmonger's Network}}
|{{TableList|[[Sell a very advanced identity to Spies|Buy it with an identity]], then [[A long list (Deciphering a Document)|decipher it]]
|[[Hand over a multitude of scraps for a Rumourmonger's Network|Buy it]] for {{IL|Certifiable Scrap|3200 x}}
|[[Request connections|Buy it]] with {{IL|Hinterland Prosperity|155750}} at the {{IL|The City of the Tracklayers}} after finishing the Railway.}}
|-
|{{IL|A Sealed Copy of the Crimson Book}}
|Only during {{IL|Whitsun}}, [[...would they dare?|exchange]] a {{IL|Vial of Masters' Blood}} for it
|-
|{{IL|Breath of the Void}}
|{{TableList|[[Hand over a multitude of scraps for a Breath of the Void|Buy it]] for {{IL|Certifiable Scrap|3200 x}}
|[[Purchase the wax-sealed box on the counter|Exchange other expensive stuff]] for it in {{IL|Moulin}}}}
|-
|{{IL|Secret College}}
|[[Restore the hope of a listless professor|Exchange]] a {{IL|Powder of Renewal}} for it, after reaching {{IL|Station VIII}}
|-
|{{IL|Fluke-Core}}
|{{TableList|In the {{IL|Cave of the Nadir}}, [[Why –|ask an expensive question]]
|[[Peer into the water|Complete the story of the Youthful Naturalist]]}}
|-
|{{IL|A Tasting Flight of Targeted Toxins}}
|[[Assemble a Tasting Flight of Targeted Toxins|Create it]] from a vast collection of toxic ingredients
|-
|{{IL|A Seat at the Board}}
|Fully investigate [[The Scheme of a Phoenix|certain machinations]] for London's future after completing the Railway. (Currently only one is obtainable!)
|}

====Items of T8 value====
''"You are on this list, but we do not grant you the rank of a T8."''

These items are in the same value-range as the "true" T8s above (mostly because they cost a T8 to acquire), but they don't represent the pinnacle in a specific item category's tier list and/or act more like additional items of high value.

<!--Editor's note: Unthinkable Hope is specifically not included as holding onto it as a vanity is detrimental (due to the fact that it locks the creation of other Station 8 items. -->
{| class="article-table"
!Item
!Source(s)
|-
|{{IL|Powder of Renewal}}
|[[Extract concentrated sentiment from the Unthinkable Hope|Make it]] in {{IL|Station VIII}} from {{IL|Unthinkable Hope}}
|-
|{{IL|Unthinkable Hope}}
|[[Acquire some 'Unthinkable Hope'|Exchange]] {{IL|Blackmail Material|22 x}}, {{IL|Diary of the Dead|5 x}}, {{IL|Dreadful Surmise|1 x}}, {{IL|Tin of Zzoup|10 x}} and {{IL|Tinned Ham|10 x}} (total value of 1,560 {{e}}) for it as a {{IL|Station VIII}} courier. Used to create the {{IL|Powder of Renewal}} above.<br>'''Warning:''' You can only have a maximum of 1 of this item at any given time. Receiving other sentiments while in possession of one is locked. As such, holding onto this item is detrimental as it locks the creation of other Station 8 items.
|-
|{{IL|A Reverie of Heroism}}
|While [[Relive the Great Sink of 1899|reliving the events]] of Mr Chimes' Grand Clearing-Out in {{IL|The Waswood}} using [[The Sacroboscan Calendar]] (possible every few months due to rotation, currently {{#ifeq:{{#show:Season of the Sacroboscan Calendar|?Has current value}}|8|'''available'''|not available}}), sacrifice one of 8 specific T8 items when [[Building a Parabolan Device]]
|-
|{{TableList|{{IL|Serpent-Headed Oneiropompic Stave}}|{{IL|Tiger-Furred Oneiropompic Stave}}|{{IL|Rook-Crowned Oneiropompic Stave}}}}
|Spend {{IL|Parabolan Parable|5 x}} or {{IL|Parabolan Parable|3 x}} and {{IL|Oneiromantic Revelation|10 x}}, along with a trifle representing the faction, to craft these.  
|-
|{{IL|Cloven Seal}}
|Give {{IL|Vial of Masters' Blood|1 x}} to the [[The Unsanctioned Relicker|Unsanctioned Relicker]].
|-
|{{IL|Immaterial Material}}
|[[Discordant Studies - Costs and Rewards (Guide)|Discordant Studies]]
|-
|{{IL|Discordance Stone}}
|[[Discordant Studies - Costs and Rewards (Guide)|Discordant Studies]]
|-
|{{IL|scream that's not stuck in your throat like a stone}}
|[[Discordant Studies - Costs and Rewards (Guide)|Discordant Studies]]
|-
|Regain a {{IL|Seed of the Cedar}}
|[[Request a seed of the cedar|Buy it]] with {{IL|Hinterland Prosperity|155750}} at the {{IL|The City of the Tracklayers}} after finishing the Railway. (One is gained during the story but it gets used up.)
|}

----

==={{IL|Firkin of Hesperidean Cider}}===
''"Immortality is (not) cheap"'' ({{e}} 160 000)

In Fallen London, you can just buy immortality in one of the [[Nikolas Pawnbrokers|shops]]! Might be a little expensive though.

Even with the best of the current money-making methods, '''it takes ~6-7 months of real time grinding, if you use all 144 of your actions each day''' to make the needed Echoes. If that seems like a lot just remember that a few years ago it would've taken more than 1,5 years. Consult this page: [[Money-Making]].

However it does '''completely wipe {{IL|Wounds}} on demand''' (although drinking it directly gives annoying dreams), gives an instant way out from being dead, and a taste can even be offered to friends!

----

==={{IL|Your Very Own Miniature Hellworm|Appearance=A Miniature Hellworm}} with vital accessories===
''"Ain't it cute?"''

The Hellworm can be bought for {{h}} 200 000 at [[Extramural Trading Company|Upper River]]. But that is only the beginning... It can be upgraded for the same price! After that, accessories may be bought (for the same price) with questionable usefulness.

Similarly to the Cider, even with the current best grinds, getting {{h}} 200 000 takes '''~4-5 months of real time grinding, provided you use all 144 of your actions each day'''. Not to mention getting Scrip is generally more convoluted. Consult this page: [[Hinterland Scrip-Making]]

On the positive side, it can be [[Milking your Hellworm|milked]] ("worm gacha") after sufficient play-time on [[Your Very Own Hellworm|its card]] (8 actions without upgrade), which produces a random liquid from the game chosen from 33. These liquids can stretch from a single bottle of {{IL|Bottle of Greyfields 1879}} to {{IL|Vial of Cantigaster Venom}} (which was previously {{FontFate}}-locked) and {{IL|Vial of Masters' Blood}}, one of the T8 items. The upgrade offers more frequent milkings and additional profit. The accessories do not.
*{{IL|Your Very Own Miniature Hellworm}} ({{h}} 200 000) '''<code>[[Companion]]</code>''' ''"The first step."''
**Very fluffy
**Unlocks [[Milking your Hellworm|milking]] capabilities
**Can be turned into Transport
*{{IL|Your Very Own Hellworm, Saddled and Bridled}} ({{h}} 400 000) '''<code>[[Transport]]</code>''' ''"Terrorizing the Hinterlands with a friend""
**Adds another option to [[Your Very Own Hellworm|its card]], which produces 50% more milk, an extra 5 Echoes profit, and a free Dreaded boon
**Transport instead of Companion
**Strict Best-in-Slot item for {{IL|Neathproofed}} and shared Best-in-Slot for {{IL|Kataleptic Toxicology}}
*{{IL|Hellworm-Riding Boots with Brass Spurs}} ({{h}} 600 000) '''<code>[[Boots]]</code>''' ''"You don't really need those."''
**About as good as a {{IL|Pair of Kingscale Boots}}, but about 666 times as expensive and infinitely more stylish. Presumably.
*{{IL|Hellworm-Riding Boot Polish}}  ({{h}} 800 000+) '''<code>[[Infernal]]</code>''' ''"Can you still call it snake oil if the snake in question is a worm?"''
**Shiny (we assume).
**Does '''literally nothing''', according to the [[Purchase an amount of Hellworm-Riding Boot Polish|purchasing option]].
**Infinitely rebuyable; get 7 tins ({{h}}2 000 000) for the ultimate sense of pride and accomplishment 
*{{IL|Your Very Own Miniature Hellworm|Appearance=Your Very Own Miniature Hellworm... 2!}} ({{h}} 600 000) '''<code>[[Companion]]</code>''' ''"(There is an alternative.)"''
**Fulfills the completionism instinct
**Allows one to reach {{IL|In the Company of a Hellworm}} 2 (when equipped alongside the saddled one)
**Technically allows for more outfit flexibility
----

==={{IL|Heptagoat}} ({{FontFate}})===
'''<code>[[Companion]]</code>''' ''"SEVEN INTO SEVEN INTO SEVEN"''

Combine 14 {{IL|Overgoat|Appearance=Overgoats}} into 7 {{IL|Übergoat|Appearance=Übergoats}}, then those into this pinnacle of goats! (Goats bought separately!)

It removes all the amazing {{IL|Watchful}} stats the previous Goat-steps provide, but it does grant {{IL|Caprine Authority:| +3}}, which is pretty cool, right? Right?! You can also build a statue for it at the {{IL|Hurlers}}, and it has an option on a {{IL|Caprine Authority (Card)|Appearance=Hurlyburly card}}.

Total costs:
* {{e}}163,979.2
* 8 {{FontFate}}
* {{IL|Impossible Theorem|1 x}}

----

==={{IL|The Inescapable Ubiquity of your Countenance}}===
'''<code>[[Affiliation]]</code>''' ''"Pardon me, haven't we already met?"''

Have a statue of <u>yourself</u> at each and every station of the Great Hellbound Railway. All of them. And pay an extra of {{IL|Soul|7000 x}}, {{IL|Hinterland Scrip|700 x}}, {{IL|Memory of a Much Lesser Self|70 x}} and {{IL|Direful Reflection|7 x}}. See [[Statues at the GHR Stations (Guide)]] for more details.

<b>Important note</b>: any statues to entities <i>other</i> than yourself can be only reset at the cost of 10 Fate! Balmoral is the only exception.

It's Worst-in-Slot {{IL|Shadowy}} and Shared Best in Slot {{IL|Respectable}}! Woo-ho! You're everywhere! It's hard to be sneaky like that!
{| class="article-table"
!Station
!Self-statue requirement
|-
|{{IL|Ealing Gardens}}
|{{IL|A Poet-Laureate}} 21
|-
|{{IL|Jericho Locks}}
|{{IL|A Scholar of the Correspondence}} 21
|-
|{{IL|The Magistracy of the Evenlode}}
|{{IL|Defender of the Public Safety}} 21
|-
|{{IL|Balmoral}}
|{{IL|Cover Identity: Elaboration}} 5, {{IL|Cover Identity: Backstory}} 5, {{IL|Cover Identity: Ties}} exactly 2, {{IL|Cover Identity: Credentials}}, {{IL|Cover Identity: Nuance}}, {{IL|Cover Identity: Witnesses}}
|-
|{{IL|Station VIII}}
|{{TableList|{{IL|Meals Served at Station VIII}} 20 or|{{IL|Connected: The Masters of the Bazaar}} 10 or|{{IL|The Robe of Mr Cards}} or|{{IL|The Road}}}}
|-
|{{IL|Burrow-Infra-Mump}}
|{{TableList|{{IL|Approaching the Gates of the Garden}} 50 or|{{FontFate}} {{IL|Genesis of a Diocese}} 400}}
|-
|{{IL|Moulin}}
|{{TableList|{{IL|Cover Identity: Backstory}} 50, {{IL|Cover Identity: Credentials}} 5, {{IL|Depth of Historical Study}} 5, {{IL|Revisionist Historical Narrative|1 x}}, {{IL|Object of Historical Study}}: 230 - The Rivalry between London and the Khanate or|{{IL|A Survivor of the Iron Republic -}} is: Hardly Changed, {{IL|A Member of the Gondoliers}} is: A Crimson Violist or A Doctore of the Guild, {{IL|Page of Cryptopalaeontological Notes|150 x}}, {{IL|Page of Prelapsarian Archaeological Notes|150 x}}, {{IL|Page of Theosophistical Notes|150 x}} or |{{IL|Para-Archaeologist}} 8, {{IL|Walking the Falling Cities}} 40, {{IL|Monograph in Progress}} "You must have concluded an exceptional Monograph"}}
|-
|{{IL|The Hurlers}}
|{{TableList|{{IL|Steward of the Discordance}} 4 or|{{IL|Overgoat}} or|{{IL|Übergoat}} or|{{IL|Heptagoat}}}}
|-
|{{IL|Marigold Station}}
|{{IL|Twilit Smuggler}} 21
|}

----

==={{IL|Blemmigan Secretary}}===
'''<code>[[Companion]]</code>''' ''"A prized artifact of the RNGods"''

'''Has "Guide": [[Bundle of Oddities (Guide)]]''' 

Hit the exact value of 1000 (chance of 1/1000) from {{IL|Opening a Bundle of Oddities}}. Has no use, naturally. Only 2 actions give high enough Bundle values to even have a chance. These are:
*[[Let's see...]] (Sent by friends through a [[Give a Gift! A commotion in the Square of Lofty Words|Standard card]] or gotten from a [[An Unsigned Message|Very Infrequent card]])
*[[Grab_whatever_you_can_carry_(Bonfire)|Grab whatever you can carry]] (Rare card)

----

==={{IL|The Seven-Fold Knock}}===
'''<code>[[Weapon]]</code>''' ''"Giving up on giving up everything"'' <!-- shave and a hair-cut, two bits -->

'''Has Guide: [[Seeking Mr Eaten's Name (Guide)]]'''

Walk the entire self-destructive path of {{FontSMEN}}, famous for its painful and arduous ways, and choose to turn back at the very end. Hope you like candles!

As a consolation, this is the Best-in-slot slot item for [[BDR]] and allows a variant path to crafting the Jaguar Blade in {{IL|Ambition: Bag a Legend!}}. Is it worth it scarring yourself forever just for that? You decide!

----

==={{IL|F.F. Gebrandt's Patent Neathoscope, Containing and Displaying All Seven Colours of Exotic Light}}===
'''<code>[[Home Comfort]]</code>''' ''"Taste the <span style="background: linear-gradient(to right, #9e1537, #ae36b3, #280d63, #21cc54, #3dc4a0, #fab725, #7d6446); -webkit-background-clip: text; -webkit-text-fill-color: transparent;">neathbow</span>!"''

You will need one {{IL|Mirrorcatch Box}} of each of the seven colours of the neathbow (so you '''don't''' need a Sun-Stamped one). Every colour has a different way of obtaining it and you will also need to obtain 7 empty ones for you to fill.

After obtaining all of the boxes you only need to go to the {{IL|The Museum of Prelapsarian History}}, [[Commission the manufacture of a kaleidoscopic device of your own|commission it]] with 10000 {{IL|Curator's Gratitude}} in [[The Inorganic Sciences Wing]] and you'll have your very own Neathoscope to show at parties. (Party uses not included. In fact, it has no uses beyond its stats.)

{{Mirrorcatch Boxes}}
(You don't need a Sun-Stamped box for this item!)

==={{IL|A Portrait in the Bazaarine Style}}===
'''<code>Home Comfort</code>'''
''"A grander and more opulent version of yourself"''

'''Has Guide: [[The Temple Club (Guide)]]'''

You'll need an invitation to get into {{IL|The Temple Club}}, either from a member or from a [[The Temple Club#Access Code|one-use access code]] that gives three. You will also need the following items and qualities. Make sure you have them ready, because you won't be able to get them once you're there and will need to use another invitation to reenter.
* {{IL|Notability}} 10
* {{IL|Scandal}} 7
* {{IL|Involved in a Railway Venture}} 10
* {{IL|Renown: Bohemians}} 25
* {{IL|Drop of Prisoner's Honey|500 x}}

Then [[Commission a portrait]] on the storylet [[Influence the Spirit of the Age]].

==={{IL|Horatio, Finest of His Lineage}} ({{FontFate}})===
'''<code>Companion</code>''' ''"Meow""''

This one is only available to Exceptional Friends: spend {{IL|Memory of a Tale|15 x}} to buy all five cats in {{IL|Mr Chimes' Lost & Found}}, equip all of them, and meet this sought-after tabby in the {{IL|House of Chimes}}.

Neither Horatio nor his five feline companions are useful statistically or mechanically, except for their ability to be used for a [[#The_Union_of_Lions|certain other feline vanity...]]

==={{IL|Classic Short Story}}===
'' 'Genius.' Well, of course. About time.''

'''Has Guide: [[Short Stories (Guide)]]'''

A Short Story of this caliber takes at least {{IL|Trade Secret|2 x}} to write, and seven to guarantee (though the math works out that it's best to chance it with two). Considering Trade Secrets are given out at a rate of once per month, and are actually useful, this is quite an undertaking. They're also useless, aside from a use while Seeking (that removes the item) and selling it for far less than it is worth.

==={{IL|Cryptobotanical Rosette}}===
''The sacrifices we make to horticulture.''

'''Has Guide: [[Tournament of Lilies (Guide)]]'''

While not quite as action intensive as most others on this page, it will take a significant toll on your sanity. It involves arranging plant battles with other players, and emerging victorious from the tournament. The battles consist of weighted luck checks based on the level of your plant; winning will progress you to the next tier of battles, while losing will take you back a level and eat some CP besides. It has no uses, but you do get an item that does when you win.

===Hearts' Game Rewards===
''Officially, Hearts' Game is played purely for the love of it.''

'''Has Guide: [[Hearts' Game (Guide)]]'''

Along with various economy items, the {{IL|Hearts' Game: Exploits|Short=yes}} of Hearts' Game can be spent on various equipment pieces.

{| class="article-table mw-collapsible"
! Action !! Item !! Cost ({{IL|Hearts' Game: Exploits|Short=yes}}) !! Description !! Requirements
|-
| [[The imposing metal meathook]] || {{IL|Honest Butcher's Tool}} || 60 || Shared Best-in-Slot {{IL|Kataleptic Toxicology}} Weapon
|{{IL|Hearts' Game: Wins this Season}} 7
|-
| [[The ampoule of thick black liquid]] || {{IL|Ichorous Alarm}} || 60 || Home Comfort which reduces {{IL|Wounds}} gain || {{IL|Hearts' Game: Wins this Season}} 7
|-
| [[A nod from Mr Hearts]] || {{IL|A Silent Nod of Acknowledgement from Mr Hearts}} || 500 || Affiliation which grants {{IL|Insubstantial}} and reduces Suspicion gain || {{TableList|{{IL|Distinction of Pages}}|{{IL|Distinction of Kings}}|{{IL|Distinction of Knights}}|{{IL|Distinction of Motley}}|{{IL|Distinction of Embalming}}}}
|-
| [[The blood-coloured sapling]] || {{IL|Heart-Caught Sapling}} || 500 || Home Comfort, gives +3 to each Attribute and grants {{IL|Neathproofed}} || Winning a run in each of the six seasons
|-
| [[The book in charred and blackened leather]] || {{IL|The Black Book of Hearts}} || 500 || Shared Best-in-Slot {{IL|Kataleptic Toxicology}} Weapon, grants {{IL|Inerrant}} || {{TableList|{{IL|A Silent Nod of Acknowledgement from Mr Hearts}}|{{IL|Heart-Caught Sapling}}}}
|}
The final three items require a total of 1500 {{IL|Hearts' Game: Exploits|Short=yes}} and thus 1500 actions. Additionally, they require various Distinctions to unlock: four team composition-based Distinctions that require both time and luck to draft suitable teams for; the {{IL|Distinction of Embalming}}, which requires winning a run with the difficulty-increasing {{IL|The Embalmer's Mark|Appearance=Embalmer's Mark}}; and each of the seasonal distinctions, which requires winning a run every month or so for an approximately six-month period.

==Qualities==
Metaphysical items. Mostly. Things that show up under the "Myself" Tab. Some of these are commonly referred to as <u>Vanity Qualities</u>.

===The Main Four===
Each of the four Main Attributes has a special Quality associated with them. All of them have the same maximum value, 21, and only this maximum level counts as the full completion. Except for {{IL|Twilit Smuggler}}, they require stats around 300 (with equipment) to reach the highest levels.
{| class="article-table"
!Attribute
!Name
!~ {{e}} Cost
!~Action cost
|-
|{{IL|Watchful}}
|{{IL|A Scholar of the Correspondence}}
|1900
|N/A
|-
|{{IL|Shadowy}}
|{{IL|Twilit Smuggler}}
|3613.6
|25
|-
|{{IL|Dangerous}}
|{{IL|Defender of the Public Safety}}
|N/A
|N/A
|-
|{{IL|Persuasive}}
|{{IL|A Poet-Laureate}}
|0
|2480
|}

===={{IL|A Scholar of the Correspondence}}====
''"Where did my eyebrows go?"''

Ah

Likely the most useful of the Vanity Qualities, having a good range of uses (see the above guide for all uses). Tends to crop up in new content too! Reaching level 21 gives the quality description "Courier's Footprint" (very fancy!). Enables a [[Put up a statue honouring yourself, Pre-eminent Scholar of the Correspondence|statue of yourself]] at {{IL|Jericho Locks}}.

Journey includes:
* Sleeping on {{IL|Set of Correspondence Stones|Appearance=Weird Stones}}
* [[What's that?|Visiting Mrs. Plenty's Carnival]]
* [[Look for more evidence of the Correspondence in the ruins|Going mad in some ruins]]
* [[Somewhat challenging music|Writing a ton of symphonies]] and getting beaten up each time
* Publishing a million Newspapers to spend the spoils on painstakingly [[Perhaps you can remember something useful|learning 1 CP at a time]]
* Deciding to repeatedly [[pursue truths through the Red Science]] in your Laboratory, even when it keeps making your bones snap, crackle, and pop
* Having 300 {{IL|Watchful}}
* (Or cheesing it with [[(Carefully) read a flame-proof missive|a lot of help from friends]] {and overcapping Watchful})

===={{IL|Twilit Smuggler}}====
''"That dumbwaiter is HOW long?"''

'''Has Guide: [[Twilit Smuggler (Guide)]]'''

Has only a single use, which is for [[Put up a statue honouring yourself, a Respectable Industrialist|building a statue of yourself]] at {{IL|Marigold Station}}.

Journey includes:
* Having {{IL|Renown: Criminals}} 40 to even begin
* Smuggling a bunch of exotic items to a Surface agent with very little compensation
* Need for a good amount of expensive items (including {{IL|Fragment of the Tragedy Procedures}}, {{IL|Oneiric Pearl}}, {{IL|Legenda Cosmogone}}, {{IL|Fabulous Diamond}}, {{IL|Corresponding Sounder}} and {{IL|Vial of Masters' Blood}}, among other things)
* Succeeding on higher and higher {{IL|Shadowy}} checks
* Base {{IL|Shadowy}} of 215 (without equipment), and a half developed Railway

===={{IL|Defender of the Public Safety}}====
''"Liberator of Stoves!!"''

'''Has Guide: [[Defender of Public Safety (Guide)]]'''

Apart from [[Put up a statue honouring the Defender of Public Safety, which is yourself|allowing yourself another statue]] at {{IL|The Magistracy of the Evenlode}}, this also enables the [[Equip the stove to wander the Neath on its own|freeing of a Stove]]!

Journey includes:
* Going on a killing spree in Parabola
* Alternatively, [[Propose a hunting expedition|going on hunting expeditions]] with Sophia's.
* Having 290 {{IL|Dangerous}}, and a half developed Railway

===={{IL|A Poet-Laureate}}====
''"All this honey is purely for my <u>artistic inspirations</u>"''

'''Has Guide: [[Poet-Laureate (Guide)]]'''

[[Install a statue to the current Poet-Laureate|Another statue for you]], this time at {{IL|Ealing Gardens}}. That's all. (No, that one {{IL|Ambition: Nemesis}} option doesn't count!)

Journey includes:
* Getting purposefully banished, then restored to the Court of Her Enduring Majesty
* Getting high on {{IL|Drop of Prisoner's Honey|Appearance=Honey}} to get inspired. Honey can be gotten from your {{IL|Send him out for a little more honey|Appearance=Lab}} (400 actions slower, but free) or from the Bazaar (faster, but halves the EPA)
* Writing many, many Minor Works
* Having 290 {{IL|Persuasive}}

----

==={{IL|Paramount Presence of the Ancient Regime|Appearance=Paramount Presence}}===
''"Join me for a ride, peasant!"''

'''Has Guide: [[Paramount Presence (Guide)]]'''

Embark on a journey to collect London's Innards! Well, not literally. Should being a normal {{IL|A Person of Some Importance -|Appearance=Person of Some Importance}} not cut it for you, step beyond! Cycle through all the 4 specializations, proving your fame and influence in London! Drive, dreams, money, and desires shall be tested!

With such status you can:
* Tutor a Protégé in two stats at once
* Invite other patrons to [[Invite a patron to a private hansom ride|private hansom rides]]
* Get a Magnificent Feast once per playthrough of a particular [[Caveat Emptor|Exceptional Story]]

Requirements apart from grinding 12 {{IL|Notability}} 7 times to go between specializations (one is needed to claim and one is needed to go between specializations in each case):
{| class="article-table"
!Innard
!Options
|-
|{{IL|London's Sinew}}
|{{TableList|{{IL|Memento of Violence|50 x}}
|{{IL|Advancing the Liberation of Night:}} 40
|{{IL|Social Influence}} 90}}
|-
|{{IL|London's Blood}}
|{{TableList|All three 5-card Lodgings
|Married (NPC or Player)
|High values of all [[Dreams|Dream qualities]] (around 15 in each)}}
|-
|{{IL|London's Marrow}}
|{{TableList|10,000 {{e}}
|specific 4 of the T8 items
|{{IL|Renown: Criminals}} 50 and {{IL|Renown: Constables}} 50}}
|-
|{{IL|London's Nerves}}
|{{TableList|{{IL|A Scholar of the Correspondence}} 21
|{{IL|Übergoat|1 x}}
|{{IL|The Boatman's Opponent}} 40 and {{IL|Memento of Silence|50 x}}}}
|}
Of course, the true vanity would be achieving all 12 despite needing only 4.

----

==={{IL|A Weaseller}}===
''"That one with all the weasels."''

This quality is obtained by getting 400 [[Lucky Weasel|Lucky Weasels]] and drawing [[You Appear to Have Purchased an Extraordinary Number of Weasels|an opportunity card]]. This is quite easily obtainable, costing only one action and 160 echoes, and you don't even lose the weasels. However, this quality can be increased to level 2. 

To do this, you must unlock {{IL|The Dome of Scales}} and spend 400 actions gifting your weasels to fingerkings as homes. After getting 400 [[Weasel of Social Discomfiture|Weasels of Social Discomfiture]] you will have to wait for [[You Appear To Have Corrupted An Extraordinary Number of Weasels|another opportunity card]], which will raise you to {{IL|A Weaseller}} 2

----

==={{IL|A Woeseller}}===
''"This was a mistake. A terrible, terrible mistake."''

Purchase 400 {{IL|Weasel of Woe}}, and draw the card [[You Appear to have Purchased an Extraordinary Number of Weasels of Woe]]. As each Woesel is 400 echoes, achieving the title of Woeseller costs {{e}}160,000: precisely the same as Hesperidean Cider. For rather obvious reasons, we recommend purchasing immortality ''before'' purchasing four hundred cursed mustelids whose mere presence causes you harm.

This remarkable achievement has no uses, but receiving it does immediately drive you insane, which could be considered a consolation prize.

----

==={{IL|A Private Tattoo of your Noman, Inscribed in Gant|Appearance=Noman Tattoo}}===
''"We'll laugh about this in a year..."''

'''Has Guide: [[Noman Tattoo (Guide)]]'''

Keep your {{IL|Noman}} (from {{IL|Christmas}}) alive until {{IL|The Lady in Lilac}} arrives during the {{IL|Feast of the Exceptional Rose}} to [[An Incident: Get a private tattoo of your noman|get a private tattoo of your noman]]. You can also get a [[The Face in the Snow tattoo|regular tattoo of your noman]], if you have the space for one. Likely requires a few months of preparation to stock up on {{IL|Vial of Tears of the Bazaar}} and materials to buy {{IL|Unusual Pail of So-Called Snow}} from the Urchins when the Season comes. 

Its uses are purely sentimental - that is to say, there aren't any.

----

==={{IL|Memories of a Doubled Spring|Appearance=The cooler Noman Tattoo}}===
''"The little ramekin is empty. Your mouth is cold with grief. The last of the snow is finally gone."''

'''Has Guide: [[Noman Tattoo (Guide)#Memories of a Doubled Spring|Noman Tattoo (Guide)]]'''

Keep your {{IL|Noman}} (from {{IL|Christmas}}) alive until {{IL|De Gustibus in Whitsun|Appearance=De Gustibus}} arrives during {{IL|Whitsun}} to [[Offer to share the final moments of your Noman|serve it, and feast on its memories]]. Requires 36000+ Echoes worth of Tears and Pails, for approximately 2300 {{IL|Noman's Friend}}.

Its uses are also purely sentimental. 

----

==={{IL|Acquainted: The Lion Sacrificial|Appearance=The Union of Lions}} ({{FontFate}})===
''"I said, meow"''

'''Has Guide: [[A Cub's Education (Guide)]]'''

Collect 15 unique cats and introduce them to a curious little cub in the [[The Dome of Scales, Becoming]], only available after a Parabolan War victory by the Cats. Currently requires at least some {{FontFate}}-locked cats.

It is, of course, completely useless. You can keep introducing cats even after you get it, though. Meow. 

----

==={{IL|A Mystery of the Fifth City}}===
''"Cities are odd beasts, don't you find?"''

[[Study the Prelapsarian history of the Red Science]] 5 times, with slightly different extra requirements each time.

There are, of course, no actual uses.

Requires:
*{{IL|Expertise of the First City|10 x}} & {{IL|The Efficient Commissioner's Tale}} 1000
*{{IL|Expertise of the Second City|10 x}} & {{IL|Irrigo}}
*{{IL|Expertise of the Third City|10 x}} & {{IL|Unaccountably Peckish}}
*{{IL|Expertise of the Fourth City|10 x}} & {{IL|Nightmares}}
* 5 * {{IL|Laboratory Research|2700 x}}
*{{IL|Artisan Studies}} 2

They each earn a T7 item, as well as a heap of lore. Assuming for simplicity's sake you can earn 27 Research per action, the whole undertaking takes about 500 actions and earns about 3.1 EPA from the items you get along the way. But if you are reading this guide, you probably don't care about the money, do you, [gendertitle]?

----

==={{IL|A Purveyor of Cruel and Unusual Cheeses}}===
''"It's been a year. An entire year."''

If one wishes to make Hellworm Cheese, one must start with {{IL|Hellworm Milk}}. This, of course, means that obtaining and milking [[#A_Miniature_Hellworm_with_vital_accessories|a Hellworm]] is a prerequisite vanity. Now, to actually turn the milk into cheese, one must [[Offer a pail of Hellworm Milk|submit it to the Questionable Cheesemonger during Whitsun]], and then pick it up next Whitsun. In other words, even with the best possible grinds, getting Hellworm Cheese takes '''at least 12 months of real time waiting, even if you use all 144 of your actions each day.'''.

As consolation, submitting your first piece of cheese to De Gustibus rewards you with 312.5E worth of assorted items and {{IL|A Purveyor of Cruel and Unusual Cheeses}}. Further cheese can be sold to the Bazaar for 62.5E afterwards.

----

===Double 7s===
''"The gateway vanities"''

An entry point for the Triple 7s below, these qualities are slow to raise and have their final unique level texts at Level 77. These are all also time-locked, either from [[Time, the Healer]] or being incremented by a [[Living World Events|Living World Event]].

* {{IL|A Shaper of Starved Culture}}: Starved Men are occasionally glimpsed in the streets of London. They are polite, constrain their anatomical eccentricities to within London's tastes, and don't shape anyone or anything else without express permission
* {{IL|Neighbourhood Noctivagant}}: Your very soles are attuned to Treachery. Should the lights go out and all laws flee, you will get where you are going
* {{IL|Volatile Consignments Delivered to the Remote Magazine}}: Explosives expedited with élan

----

===Triple 7s===
''"Jackpot!"''

Many qualities have quality level descriptions (QLDs for short) that display at specific levels of the quality. A small number of ever-increasing qualities have QLDs extending far beyond the levels an ordinary player might reach. By convention, these qualities reach their final description at level 777. (As 7 is the number, after all.) New qualities appear occasionally. The difficulty of raising these ranges from 1 action per level, up to every point costing 70-75 {{e}} or requiring a specific card draw

These are true vanities, only for personal satisfaction. Though whenever a new quality is added, being the first to reach such heights and reveal the final QLD has some prestige itself...

* {{IL|A Historian of the Neath}}: Your historical theories are foundational, ubiquitous, inescapable, ironclad
* {{IL|A Hunter of Zee-Beasts}}:  Who rules the waters? At last there is an answer. The horrors of the zee cower from your hull's creeping shadow
* {{IL|A Prolific Pirate}}:  You are a Pirate-King of legend. Your name will go down in history among the zee's chiefest terrors
* {{IL|A Synthetic Philosopher}} ({{FontFate}}): An unparalleled practitioner of potable philosophy
* {{IL|An Interloper in the Library}}: The gaoler-librarians name you an Unmaker of Excisions
* {{IL|Barrister of the Evenlode}}: Your reputation in the Magistracy of the Evenlode makes you the Neath's foremost practitioner of borderland law
* {{IL|Crate Conveyor}}: Dirigible pilots unconsciously divert their flight paths around wherever you happen to be standing
* {{IL|Dedicated Brawler}}: Your crate acquisitions at the Blind Helmsman would supply cities and bankrupt moderate-sized corporations
* {{IL|Dream-Trophies of Parabola}}: Your Parabolan hunts are legend. The courtiers of the Red-Handed Queen have been known to lurk and watch the sport
* {{IL|Fabricator of Past Lives}}: No biographical encyclopedia ever written suffices to catalog all the alternate identities you've foisted on the world
* {{IL|Familiarity with the Carpenter's Granddaughter}}: The Carpenter's Granddaughter has given more lectures than there are false-stars in the sky, and you have attended every one
* {{IL|Meals Served at Station VIII}}: A handful of visitors have come all the way from the Surface to dine at your table
* {{IL|Oneiropomp}}: You have become one of the Powers of Parabola
* {{IL|Painter of Fine Art}}: You have painted so many paintings that you are singly blamed for the Great Canvas Shortage of 1899
* {{IL|Palaeontologist}}: Your skeletal reconstructions grace every spare corner in London
* {{IL|Prolific Advertiser}}: Yours are the hands at the tiller of public consciousness, and the city follows your direction
* {{IL|Record of Successful Forgery}}: Thanks to your relentless perpetration of forgeries and deceptions, genuine evidence is difficult to find in London, and entire encyclopaedia articles are based upon the fruits of your imagination
* {{IL|Scintillack Dreaming}}: In the fading scintillack shimmer, the game is the same; only the pieces have changed. You are a Grandmaster, playing a long game towards dissolution
* {{IL|Teaching Reputation of Your Laboratory}}: Your former students could populate their own corner of London
* {{IL|The Prestige of your Laboratory}}: Your laboratory's reputation is known even in the High Wilderness

An external player-written guide to grinding these qualities is available [https://docs.google.com/document/d/1nHK53SIz6DwVBUXTw295JZ8BJhLytSuVhqIv05hdbHg/ here].

----

===Funny QVD Edge Cases===
''"And this is to go... even further beyond!"''

{{IL|Barrister of the Evenlode}} isn't just a triple-seven, as discussed above; it also affects the text of the [[Prosecution of (Trial)|prosecution]] and [[Defence of (Trial)|defence]] storylets. And, while its final ''level description'' is at 777, its final(?) ''text variant'' is at 1000. If you're grinding it up already, what's 223 more levels to really prove your mastery?
----

===Faction Renown 55===
''"Known to All"''

'''Has Guide: [[Factions (Guide)]]'''

Faction Renown ceases to be of much use after 40 (at which point they provide a unique item). However the maximum Renown is 55 in each case. Why? To please the completionists, perhaps. And at 50, each has its unique final QLD!

The trick here is that Raising Renown requires higher and higher base stats. The levels above 50 (when the stat requirements goes above 300) will most likely require a [[Mood]] to be reachable and those are Rare. You won't have time to get the same Favours in an hour while it lasts. Not to mention that at this point you almost need two sets of Favours for a single level! You'll have plenty of time collecting Favours while you wait for Mood cards!
* {{IL|Renown: Bohemians}}: For better or for worse, the world will never create as it did before you came along
* {{IL|Renown: Constables}}: They say you are the spirit of the Law
* {{IL|Renown: Criminals}}: They say it was you who stole the Sun
* {{IL|Renown: Hell}}: Book of Everlasting Chimes 2:39: And know the name in London, for it is written
* {{IL|Renown: Revolutionaries}}: The Thirteenth Month in the Calendar
* {{IL|Renown: Rubbery Men}}: OTHATHAROOTH!
* {{IL|Renown: Society}}: It is said that Her Imperial Highness has spoken your name
* {{IL|Renown: The Church}}: The Church has already reasoned how to canonise you after your death
* {{IL|Renown: The Docks}}: They say your veins run thick with gold and salt.
* {{IL|Renown: The Great Game}}: You are the pawn who reached D8
* {{IL|Renown: Tomb-Colonies}}: When you don the bandages, they will chant your name
* {{IL|Renown: Urchins}}: They say you are a stalwart champion of all urchins. They also continue to refer to you as 'Oi!'

With the Corsair update, a new quality was released. Although not strictly Renown in the traditional sense, it caps at 55 as well, and as such warrants inclusion on this list given its similarity.
*{{IL|Respected by the Corsairs}}: Known to all as the Left Hand of Prophecy

----

=== Citizen of the Hinterland City ===
''You are officially no longer London's responsibility.''

'''Has Guide: [[The City of the Tracklayers (Guide)]]'''

Play through the story of the City in Silver, and then, with 10,000 {{IL|Hinterland Prosperity}}, 60 {{IL|Habituated to the Hinterland}}, and 25 {{IL|A Worker in the Common Cause}}, you can become a {{IL|Citizen of Hinterland City}}. Fallen ''London''? Psh. For you, now the game is Fallen [Ealing/Barrow/Rebel's/Masters'/Pilgrims'/Steward's/Lily] [Bluff/Acropole/Citadel/Pinnacle/Stovepipe/Kiln/Unionville/Tracktown/Flat/Cautery/Transplant/Stronghold/Hybrid/Cross/Strain/Hollow/Absence/Analgesic/Mandible/Scapula/Jawbone/Femur/Thighbone/Balljoint/Marrowbone/Stockbone/Tendon/Outopos/Antipolis/Countertown/Dawn/Commencement/Counter-Commune/Erewhon/Erewhyna/Relondon/Post-House/Crossroads/Refuge/Lighthouse/Hostelry/Inn/Bethlehem/Embassy/Rest]!

Being a citizen of the City, of course, has no uses. Though if that's not enough to show your dedication to the Tracklayer's Union and the Creditor, there is one further vanity...

----

=== A Worker in the Common Cause ===
''"Ah; how very unlikely – a '''Revolutionary''' railway baron."''

'''Has Guide: [[The City of the Tracklayers (Guide)]]'''

{{IL|A Worker in the Common Cause}} is a Renown-like quality that can only be raised on three cards in the Tracklayers' City deck, and only by one CP at a time. Those cards are [[The Housing Market]], [[Mouths to Feed]], and either [[Developing Infrastructure]] or [[Participate in construction efforts]], depending on your current {{IL|Hinterland Efficiency}}.

Other than unlocking the ability to become a Citizen as described above, this quality has no uses. While it has QCDs up to 77, its final QLD is at 50, rendering it technically not a double-seven as discussed above. Getting it to 50 requires drawing one of the above cards and playing their respective option a total of 1,275 times. 

----
=== Infiltrator of the Tracklayer City ===
''Poor Tracklayers. So far from God, so close to the Bazaar.''

'''Has Guide: [[The City of the Tracklayers (Guide)]]'''

'''Has Theme Song: [https://youtube.com/watch?v=urxk4mveLCw Stars from Les Misérables]

''Help'' the Tracklayers? Become a ''citizen'' of their little village? Pah! Let's show these little communists what for!

If you're of more bourgeois sympathies (or roleplaying as a reactionary), the game gives you an alternative vanity. By building up the city and repeatedly betraying it to the Constables, Criminals, or Hell, you can increment {{IL|Infiltrator of the Tracklayer City}} to show off how dedicated of a counter-revolutionary you are. This quality receives its final description at 21, but perhaps you want it at 777 just for the sake of it. Or 24601.

----
=== Lurer of Cities ===
''Where did I leave my city?''

'''Has Guide: [[The City of the Tracklayers (Guide)]]'''

Your proclivity for moving a city to the point of forgetting where you last put it is, fortunately, tracked.

If controlling geography is something you want to make a pastime of, then {{IL|Lurer of Cities}} allows you the show your experience in this area. The quality has no uses, is expensive to increase, and its final description is at 25.
If you are interested in this quality, however, consider taking the city instead of the train next time you need to move between stations.

----

===Newspaper===

'''Has Guide: [[Publishing a Newspaper (Guide)]]'''

The newspaper has 3 vanity qualities related to it, which reach their final description at level 10. Except for an option regarding {{IL|A Survivor of the Affair of the Box}} requiring {{IL| Defender of Truth -}} 3, these qualities have no use and reaching level 10 in all 3 requires publishing 165 editions.

* {{IL| Defender of Truth -}}: The only source of truth
* {{IL| Cardinal of Conspiracy -}}: How high does this go?
* {{IL| Prophet of the Gutter -}}: An unmatched circulation

----

=== Maximising Bone Market Exhaustion ===

'''Has Guide: [[Assembling a Skeleton (Guide)]]'''

While more transient than other vanity qualities here, some players take delight in trying to maximize {{IL|Bone Market Exhaustion}}—or in other words, trying to sell the most outrageously expensive skeletons possible. Although skeletons can in theory be infinitely large, they become exponentially more expensive to expand further, so exploring these frontiers requires careful planning and substantial effort.

Each point of Exhaustion is worth 50 echoes, and [[Time, the Healer]] reduces Exhaustion by 4 points each week. To lock yourself out of the more exclusive sellers of the bone market for one year, you'd need to create a skeleton worth at least 52 * 4 * 50 = 10400 echoes, nearly worth a full [[Overgoat]]. It has been done.

[[Category:Guides]]